SPLATball at Midsummerfest

Innocence in the Woods

A Paintball Player Comes of Age at Midsummerfest

By Bill Walsh
Special to The Bulletin
ROYALTON, VT — You poke your head out of your tent early Saturday morning to see a group of campers, clad in khakis, camouflage shirts and hiking boots, gathered near the pond.
Some are applying green and brown face paint as others are cleaning handguns and doling out gumball-sized ammunition.
“Okay, remember the rules,” one of them says. “You have ten minutes to hide your flags. When we blow the horn three times the game starts. No shooting within ten feet of a person and once you‘re shot, return to camp. Don’t forget to always wear your goggles. Okay, let’s go.”
These people look more like the National Guard on maneuvers than the friendly bunch of people you met Friday night when you arrived at Midsummerfest. Divided into teams they trudge off into the forest.
For the next hour you hear yelps and laughter coming from the woods and then one of the campers, blue paint splattered on his jeans, emerges from the forest.
”What happened?” you ask.
“I got shot. And I was so close to their flag. I know exactly where it is,” he curses. “Man, I’ve got to take a piss.”
“What’s going on out there?” you ask.
“It’s a game, you know, like tag,” he says, wiping the paint off his pant leg.
“But, why do you need the guns?”
“It’s part of the game. Instead of being tagged, you just shoot one of these little paint pellets at the other person and you know you’ve gotten them,” he says. “All the time, you’re trying to find the other team’s flag. Have you ever played capture the flag?”
“Sure.”
“Well, it’s like that,” he said. “Do you want to give it a try?”
“I don’t know, it looks like it could be dangerous. What if you take one of those in the eye?” you ask.
“That’s what the goggles are for. Besides these pellets burst on contact and the paint washes out. It doesn’t hurt. Go on, give it a try,” he says.
You’re doubtful, apprehensive even, but you grab a pair of goggles and a round of ammunition for your gun and head out into the woods.
For about five minutes you walk through the forest along the pathway heading to the top of the mountain. It’s very peaceful and the sun is shining through the tree limbs. The game seems a little boring to you. You wish you were back at camp drinking a beer.
Woosh! Thwap!
Something goes flying behind your back and bursts in a blue splatter on the tree next to you.
“Hey, watch it, you almost hit me,” you yell.
Woosh! Thwap!
Another one crosses in front of you, just missing your thigh and splattering on a rock.
You dive off the side of the path and cock your gun. You wriggle down behind a fallen tree and stare up at the path.
You wait. One minute. Two minutes. Nothing moves. You don’t hear a sound.
Then someone crawls up to the path. He is moving slowly and you are following him in the sight of your gun as he slithers across the dirt pathway. You pull the trigger and send one of the gumballs flying. It bursts on the seat of his pants.
“Aw, shoot,” he says, getting up off the path and wiping the paint off his trousers. “I thought you had taken off. Look, you got me right in the ass. Nice shot.”
He turns and heads back to camp.
That was fun, you think. Now you decide to walk in the underbrush, that way you won’t be seen as easily. You move quickly and quietly, ducking behind trees and rocks. You feel excited, as if you were in a spy movie. You think of James Bond. You think of Pussy Galore. You trip over a branch and fall on your face.
As you look up, you see two figures about 50 yards ahead of you . They are crouched on the ground and a blue cloth hangs on a branch between them. The flag.
You wriggle along the ground toward them. Forty yards. Thirty yards. Twenty. You get a stick stuck in your pants. A big stick. You roll over on your back to pull it out and yank it out over your head. You wonder what Bond would have done.
Then it hits you. You grab the stick and throw it as far over their heads as you can and then duck.
“What was that?” one whispers. Both are now looking in the direction of the stick.
“I don’t know, I’ll go check it out,” the other says and scurries off.
He disappears into the forest. A minute passes. You start to wriggle closer to the flag. Sweat beads up on your lip. You feel a burning in your loins. You have the urge to pee. It feels like you are going to burst. You hold it.
The other guard crouches, calling to his friend, but he gets no response. You seize the moment.
From the leaves and branches you spring, your gun cocked and you let out a yelp. You don’t know why but you figure it sounds pretty good. The guard turns and you hit him with a blue gumball on his pistol hand. You grab the flag and bolt.
You hear yells and footsteps behind you as you sprint toward the camp. You don’t ever remember running so fast.
A few shots go whizzing by your body as you dart from side to side. You leap a branch instead of going under it because it seems like the appropriate thing to do. You know Bond would have done it. You feel free and athletic as you run. The camp is now in sight.
As you emerge from the woods a cheer goes up and people, many splattered with blue paint, come over to congratulate you.
They surround you and pat you on the back and hand you a beer. You didn’t realize how sweaty you had gotten.
One of them hands you a beer and asks, “So, how did you like it?”
Still breathing heavily you feel that familiar burning returns to your loins.
“Man, I’ve got to take a piss,” you say.
“That’s what everyone says,” he laughs. “Welcome to the Midsummerfest Splatball Game.”

Paintball will cost $25 per person this year (2003)($10 if you paid $25 since 1995). This includes gun & goggle rental. Rounds are available for $5 for 20 pellets and 1 cartridge in advance and will be available at a higher price at MSF. Depending on your style, you will need 5-20 pellets per game. You can play as many games as time will allow. Three games are guaranteed.

Splatball! Rules

Safety Guidelines
1) Be very careful. There are many hazards in the playing area including barbed wire, other wire, loose rocks, brambles, swampy terrain, low branches. Try not to do stupid things.
2) Never remove or raise your goggles while in the playing area. Not only might somebody shoot at you but you might run into a low pointy branch.
3) Never ever shoot the guns in or around the campsite. Shoot only when a game is in session.
4) Never shoot anything other than splat pellets from the guns.
5) Never shoot anyone in the head. Never point a gun at someone’s head. Not as a joke, not if the gun is empty, never.

General Rules
1) A paint splotch larger than a nickel (anywhere except the head) is a hit. You are eliminated. As soon as you are eliminated you must proceed back to camp with your gun in the air, barrel in hand. You may not speak to anyone except to tell them that you are eliminated.
2) A hit to the head does not count. The head is anything above the collarbone. If you are hit in the head, the person who hit you is eliminated. Yell to them that they hit you in the head.
3) No fake hits. You cannot pretend you have been hit.
4) If you are within 10 feet of anyone you must offer them a chance to surrender before shooting them. If they do not surrender IMMEDIATELY by dropping their gun and saying, “I SURRENDER,” you may shoot them. A surrender eliminates you from the game but isn’t as painful as getting hit.
5) No items other than your gun, extra ammo, and extra propellant are allowed except insect repellant, a belt and a watch. No knives, compasses, string, whistles, etc.

Capture the Flag Rules
1) The flag must be visable from at least 30 feet away. It must be within 6 feet of the ground and cannot be tied (it must be draped and easily grabable).
2) A 10 foot by 10 foot square of construction tape must be placed at shoulder level around the flag in plain sight.
3) The opponents’ flag must be returned to your own base in order to win.
4) When carrying a flag it cannot be concealed. You must carry it or wear it external to your clothing. It cannot be tied to anything.